Insurance Shopping

Shopping for health insurance BLOWS!!!!

They all have a catch and roping you in with a low montly means high deductible. If there is a low deductible, they don't cover prescription drugs or don't cover hospital stays. Isn't the facility bill and the Doc bill from the hospital the scariest thing to have to pay? Geeesh! Oh and why do insurance companies bother to say they will pay what is "reasonable and customary?" Why don't they just say, "we will pay what ever in the hell we want to and then you are on your own." Thanks! And the "usually you pay btwn 35 and 45% for what we deem eligible" doesn't make me feel all that comfortable...I feel the gray hairs growing as I type. Oiyy!

Dying

Dying
Sadness, Losing
Crying, Screaming, Sleeping
Goodbyes and Heavy Hearts Alone
Expire

Bring It On

Here we go with a defining semester in college. I am taking another math course, 2 sciences with labs and a second psyc class...oh goodness.

Goal (although lofty)-stay organized.

In previous semesters, I had a spiral notebook for each class. Not a good idea!!! I wrote in the wrong subject notebook half the time AND there wasn't any rhyme or reason to where in the notebook a set of lecture notes started. Needless to mention, I started to tear out papers and started stapling them next to the last lecture in the correct notebook in an attempt to keep it together. WHAT A MESS!!! Then, I wondered why I was so stressed when finals came around??? MMMMM....it's a miracle I made a decent mark in my classes.

This semester, I will use a soft, multi subject, 3 ring flex binder so I can add all the loose paper I want and put it where I want it. There are tabs for the subjects and everything is clearly labeled. I also have a place to put my index cards!!! All those diagrams won't escape ME this year.

"Damn..., we're in a tight spot"

I like the movie Oh, Brother where art thou.
I laugh at most of the movie and love quoting it.

A few days ago, I witnessed a couple arguing in the grocery store. The "never" and "always" popped out of each of them several times before I was able to escape from earshot. The click clack of my flip flops off of the cereal aisle was COMPLETELY drowned out. As I walked, I wondered which of the lovely fighting couple would make it out alive. I sure felt sorry for the Kroger MOD.

Don't throw the cookie crisp!!!!

You know, most agree that the majority of arguments are about food. Where to eat, what to eat, how to eat, your turn to cook, my turn, etc... Now, I by no means am casting stones, because I have used these phrases. We, as humans, sometimes have a tendency to slip into a "ME" mentality, which directs blame ON SOMEONE other us. Below are a series of warning phrases.

Say these fine phrases and the second it leaves your mouth you will be in a tight spot:

Toward someone else-
It's ALL because you....
This ALWAYS happens.
You NEVER say, do, take, etc.
If ONLY YOU WOULD JUST...

Or inward focused-
I'll NEVER...
I'm so STUPID I can't even...
I'm HORRIBLE because...
I'M SUCH A DORK!

Overgeneralizing is hurtful because as it labels and defines how something is, it also inhibits growth and change. This, in turn, normally ensures that the same issue (or something very similar) will repeat.

Nudies

My daughter decided she wanted to nick-name everything and everyone. She comes to me and says she wants some more nudies. What??? Nudies, mom! Nudies!

No, we didn't have any company. Darn!

Anyhow, I told her, "uh, honey...nudies means nehked people." (or a brand of japanese blue jeans) To which she promtly replies, "BaaaHaaaaaH!!!!! Nehked people."

Note to self....keep your head out of the gutter. She just wanted more noodles with her dinner.

Performance

So I had my first graded voice performance tonight...and I survived!!! It is hard work. It is sooo much more than just opening your mouth and producing a pitch. I never knew what went into studying voice...what an eye opener! I have so much respect for those who sing. It takes courage, a love of singing, hard-core commitment, concentration, connection to your whole body, training, training, training.

My Scottish Dream

School is very stressful and every morning I wake thinking about the school work and how important it is to do well. So, when I throw my textbook or my pencil down and scream "oooohhhh!!!!" and my nerves are shot from all the school work, my husband typically will say something amusing.

This morning while quite discouraged over upcoming finals said, "come on now, let's go get some knowledge in that there head of yours. It'll feel REAL good." He is such a light. I am lucky to have him in my life. It is those type of moments in life that stand out the most. I love my Scottish Dream!

Sento Nel Core

Over the summer, I took voice through HCC. Wow, what an experience! I am practicing very diligently on a piece by Alessandro Scarlatti, "Sento nel Core". The semester is ending and the recital is this weekend. I am so stoked about it and love singing! God, soothe my nerves, so I don't get pitchy. It helps knowing that the only person I'll know there is my voice instructor. Yay!!!

Blur

F*#$ Cancer!! Another oldie...

She looks at me with wide, innocent eyes and a smile.
Something I haven't seen in quite a while.

Lying in bed, I see that face. Ha, even partying and on dates.
Trying to keep my sanity, my body and mind goes off to create...

A realm peaceful and happy. I cannot fix everything.
I'm really sorry, but I have no gifts to bring.

I want to be there to help and to mold,
But my tears and my state keep me on an interminable hold.

When I'm around I see her loving, longing eyes.
But because of fear, I cannot rise.

I try, I really do, to face what I can't stir.
My life is crumbling and this is all a blur.

Battle

Stumbled across this while cleaning out my closet. I wrote it a while back...at least 10yrs.

Wishing this feeling would go
Going day to day
Never knowing where it will show
I just kneel to pray.

The darkness, confusion
Pick my aching head.
Both bright, dim; all an intrusion
NO!!! Leave me instead.

You can't stay all the time
You will go somehow
But I really don't want to climb
So I'll have to bow.

I see the circle moon
That I have to break.
And you need to go very soon
My life is at stake!

The facebook invasion

So,yeah I could stand to learn a whole lot more.

Why do the happenings of the world seem to go on when you aren't there? People grow up and live their lives too. I liked it so much more when I thought I was the only one doing anything worth while (because after all that is all I saw.) I will quickly throw my nose in the air.

What's this? I compare myself to others!?! Gasp!!! How am I going to better myself if I constantly compare myself to others.

The shut-in thing was working for me, damnit!!! What now?????

Nothing I do feels special or worth doing because it's been done AND done. My life is supposed to have meaning for me too. Now what???? The constant reminder puts me in a state of "I don't wanna be near you anyhow!" And how dare you breathe or laugh or grow without me around?

Yeah, I get it...Life isn't a photo. Life goes on. And why am I not ok with that? Cuz it hurts when you want to see those you don't. WOW it hurts!!! OIY!!!

As the 5 year old in me says, "I am the boss of me!"

Kick in NOW! I need to not care and just live my life. I NEED to love me and the life I lead. It is the only one I have.