Life is short. We come and go.
We see love, then away it blows.
We think it's here and then it's not,
I think a lot and then I'm hot.
So hot with fire that I can't see,
this pang of hate that comes out of me.
Then we talk. Haha. We talk.
We don't stop it or slow it down.
I don't tame it, It's no use now.
The love, the hate.
Oh ho, it's not a simple debate.
But down the road....
Behind the curtains, we can't see.
And all this time, all of this time...
It has been right in front of me.
The way of life we yearn
And the togetherness, our minds burn
We own this day by what we do
After all...
Life is short. We come and go.
I'm just holding on before I go.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
On School
Why is it so hard to follow what is in your heart? It is right here. I feel it beating in my chest as I type. Why has it taken me so long to start looking?
Most people know what it means when someone asks, "What do you do?" So when I say that I am a mom and a student, the air in the room changes. I love when I hear myself say it. So, eventhough most either look down their noses or express their words through a pity party, I am proud. You see, I never saw an option or possessed the desire to go to college and change my stars. I was born into a hard-working, low earning family without tools or student mentors. So when my teen-aged years came and went, my thought toward college was that it was for:
A. People with Potential
B. People with MONEY!
C. People with Drive.
NOT ME!
Time to enter the work force. Fast forward 8 yrs. BZZZZZZZT!!! Flip, Flip, Flip. ERRRRT!!!!
Then something happened. Actually a lot of things happened. I felt stagnant, void of purpose and like I was going NOWHERE and very, very fast. Oh, the slights in my life and with the habits I was creating, I can't imagine accomplishing much had I not done something different.
Anyone who knows me, knows it is very hard for me to sit still. There exists an internal need to be constantly moving forward in some way. This made it so that I couldn't hold on to much of anything because I was moving and moving on too fast. Le Sigh. Yeah, I never want to go back.
But, AHA!!!! I couldn't sit still. This now appears as drive.
Looking back on the not holding on to much, I see it as a blessing. It wasn't the curse I believed it to be. It was my way of not accepting a fate, but creating one. Yes, this made my life increasingly more difficult as years went by, but it led me back to school.
Most believe I should have just gone to school, but I didn't. I got married, had children, and then began school. My whole adult life was operated in a somewhat backward fashion from what most parents would deem appropriate, but HA! Who cares? I was orphaned as a young adult. I make the rules. I must pause for some much due maniacal laughter....
So now in school, I look to a brighter future. What does it hold, exactly? I do not know. We'll see.
Most people know what it means when someone asks, "What do you do?" So when I say that I am a mom and a student, the air in the room changes. I love when I hear myself say it. So, eventhough most either look down their noses or express their words through a pity party, I am proud. You see, I never saw an option or possessed the desire to go to college and change my stars. I was born into a hard-working, low earning family without tools or student mentors. So when my teen-aged years came and went, my thought toward college was that it was for:
A. People with Potential
B. People with MONEY!
C. People with Drive.
NOT ME!
Time to enter the work force. Fast forward 8 yrs. BZZZZZZZT!!! Flip, Flip, Flip. ERRRRT!!!!
Then something happened. Actually a lot of things happened. I felt stagnant, void of purpose and like I was going NOWHERE and very, very fast. Oh, the slights in my life and with the habits I was creating, I can't imagine accomplishing much had I not done something different.
Anyone who knows me, knows it is very hard for me to sit still. There exists an internal need to be constantly moving forward in some way. This made it so that I couldn't hold on to much of anything because I was moving and moving on too fast. Le Sigh. Yeah, I never want to go back.
But, AHA!!!! I couldn't sit still. This now appears as drive.
Looking back on the not holding on to much, I see it as a blessing. It wasn't the curse I believed it to be. It was my way of not accepting a fate, but creating one. Yes, this made my life increasingly more difficult as years went by, but it led me back to school.
Most believe I should have just gone to school, but I didn't. I got married, had children, and then began school. My whole adult life was operated in a somewhat backward fashion from what most parents would deem appropriate, but HA! Who cares? I was orphaned as a young adult. I make the rules. I must pause for some much due maniacal laughter....
So now in school, I look to a brighter future. What does it hold, exactly? I do not know. We'll see.
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